My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
