btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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