did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
