Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
