So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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