drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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