I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
