Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
