You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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