Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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