big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
