i permit you to call me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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