that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
