Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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