Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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