I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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