I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
