I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
