tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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