my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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