I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
