So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
