I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
