I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
