Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
In America we eat man semen.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
