That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
