discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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