who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
