Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
