Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
