I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
