I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
