new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
