Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
