she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize