I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
