Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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