a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
