Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
