i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize