Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
