I cannot find my penis.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
