I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
