she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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