guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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