yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
