I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Text me some of your sweat
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
