I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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