i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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