New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
