1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
