So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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