What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
