at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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