Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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