I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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