Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize