You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
