I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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