are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
