He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
