Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
