i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
