i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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