i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
