I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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