i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
