Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
