I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
