he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
