Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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