Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
